What’s Next?

It Depends on Who You Ask.

By Shirley Harper  •  Special Correspondent (and Reluctant Project Manager)

IDAHO — Spring 2026

IDAHO — After 42 remarkable years of keeping spines aligned and patients thriving, Dr. Dennis Harper has made a bold announcement that has sent shockwaves through the Harper household: he is officially reducing his work week to three days. The medical community is calling it a “semi-retirement.” His wife, Shirley, is calling it something else entirely — though this is a family newspaper, so we’ll leave it at that.

“He reduced his work week to 3 days. My work week is now 6.”

— Shirley Harper, Wife, Witness, and Sole Surviving Administrative Staff

The Math Doesn’t Quite Add Up

When Dr. Harper informed his colleagues of his plan to “slow down,” many assumed this meant leisurely mornings, perhaps a crossword puzzle or two, and maybe some light reading. Those people have clearly never met Dr. Harper.

In the weeks following his grand declaration, the good doctor has managed to accumulate — and this reporter is using the clinical term here — a “plethora” of projects. Each one is visionary. Each one is ambitious. And each one, it turns out, requires the direct oversight of one Shirley Harper, whose own work week has somehow expanded in inverse proportion to her husband’s.

A Man With a Plan (Several, Actually)

Sources close to Dr. Harper (i.e., Shirley, who is approximately two feet away at all times) have confirmed the following active initiatives:

Project 1: The Patient Video Library

Dr. Harper is assembling a library of short educational video clips designed to empower patients to walk into their doctors’ offices and ask for specific, evidence-based treatment options — thus expanding training potential for practitioners everywhere. It is, by all accounts, a wonderful idea. It is also, by Shirley’s account, something that requires her to be present for every single clip review, script consultation, and technical hiccup. When asked for comment, Shirley smiled in the way that people smile when they have given up smiling on the inside.

Project 2: Heading a New Statewide Organization

Not content to merely practice medicine, Dr. Harper has recently obtained a new naturopathic license in the state of Idaho — joining a growing cohort of chiropractors doing the same. This group will need to be trained, and who better to help coordinate that training than Dr. Harper? Rhetorical question. The answer is also Shirley.

Project 3: A Trip to Washington, D.C. (Just Casually)

In what can only be described as the most ambitious item on an already packed agenda, Dr. Harper is planning to present a proposal to the head of the Health and Welfare Committee in Washington, D.C. The proposal? To create a new organization that places alternative medicine outside the purview of the FDA. This is, depending on one’s perspective, either visionary healthcare reform or the reason Shirley has started drinking more herbal tea. Dr. Harper notes that this project “could involve further participation” after the initial proposal. Shirley has taken to writing this in her calendar as “TBD: Further Participation.”

Project 4: The Great Library Revamp

The practice’s existing teaching library is also being revamped with updated protocols, and a complete training version of all doctor resources is being created from scratch. Who is facilitating all of this? Shirley. Who was asked if she wanted to facilitate all of this? Records are inconclusive.

And Then There’s the Cabin

Lest anyone thinks the action is confined to the office, sources report that Dr. Harper has also accumulated a robust list of home projects and cabin projects that he is eager to schedule. The details of these projects were not made available to this reporter, as Shirley had briefly stepped away to lie down.

In Closing

The Harper community wishes Dr. Dennis Harper a heartfelt congratulations on 42 extraordinary years in practice. His dedication to his patients, his profession, and his apparently inexhaustible supply of new ideas is nothing short of inspiring. We also wish Shirley Harper the very best — along with a good planner, a capable assistant, and perhaps a small raise.

When asked what’s next for Dr. Harper, he reportedly replied with great enthusiasm. When asked the same question of Shirley, she looked up from her sixth project of the day and said simply: “It depends on who you ask.”